What's with married women and their sudden awakening of conscience?

I have to say at the outset - I respect married women who want to remain totally loyal to their marriage...hats off to them...and for most of my life, I too believed that that's how women (and men, too) are supposed to live - true to their marriage, forever... Why and how I changed to a point where I feel that honesty and openness, caring and affection between spouses are more important than any traditional definition of loyalty is a different story...but that's where I am now...

Anyway, a couple of days ago, this Asian (married) woman that I am friends with, and been flirting with for the past few months sort of made it clear that she intends to be loyal to her husband...but she's still my friend and understands my 'need' to look for additional pleasure and companionship...I wasn't really pushing things - I wanted to take things slow, as she had indicated once before about her 'traditional' outlook...all I wanted was to take a picture of us together when we were out in a park on a sunny day, to talk about 'things'...I am fortunate to have her as a friend - despite letting her know that I am of the flirting-kind...

OK, this is what puzzles me... I thought we were making progress...For example, when I asked her to teach me swimming (yes, I am still a beginner - there were no swimming pools where I grew up :( she joked, asking me if I was looking for an excuse to touch her! I said, not really, but it was a good idea...Another time, she came over to my house with a headache (and a request to take care of one of her errands). I gave her a nice head massage, and also rubbed a pain balm on her forehead...She told me that her headache could be due to her periods...This could be considered 'innocent' by others standards, but for me, this was 'progress' in our frindship...what can I do? That's me...:) Another time we were chatting on MSN and I told her to remember to close her chat window, or her husband might worry...she laughed and said she was an adult with her own mind...(actually, her husband is my friend too... and I was having this crazy idea that I should try to find out his views on such subjects as swinging, hotwifing, etc....you see, I always try to go for the best deal - if I am going to befriend another man's wife, ideally I would like it to be with his knowledge and consent...does this make sense?)

Anyway, there were a few incidents that can be clearly termed 'flirting' between us...that is why I was puzzled when she decided to pretty much call it off...But I have decided to respect her decision totally...because I respect her as a person and as a friend...and friendship is more important...

This reminds me of another story (again, with an Asian married woman - but of a different nationality, in a different country where I was working) - where I thought I had a great thing going, and she decided to call it off all of a sudden...I found out later on that the main reason was that she was influenced by some 'religious' group that befriended her...some kind of 'witnesses'...

I guess marital fidelity is still an important deal for a lot of women...but I am just puzzled when it comes into play all of a sudden, after a lot of flirting...(even after a lot of petting and necking, too... gosh, these words don't sound too good...need to look up other words... :)

Missed chances...

From time to time, I think of the many chances when it seemed like I clearly had a chance for a sexual encounter with women - like, I was interested, and they were interested, but neither had the courage to act on our thoughts... I want to talk about these someday.

Still trying to make sense out of sexuality

OK, here is my latest attempt to come to terms with my sexuality. I am a married man, living a pretty "clean" life, at least physically, but having all kinds of urges in my mind. In particular, I am extremely intrigued and turned on by thoughts of casual sexual encounters. Not necessarily one-night stands, but basically no-strings-attached sex, with women who are friendly. Why friendly? Because basically I'm a sensititve guy and I don't want to get hurt.

I'm not sure if I'm going to have any encounters, though my wife fully understands my desires and has given me the go-ahead to try...I start this blog to hopefully share my thoughts on a regular basis. Like for example, today I saw this Korean pop singer on TV and I immediately wanted to have sex with her. For some reason, I find Korean women - or should I say, Asian women in general - more attractive, and I often wonder if I can have sex with them. I don't know what their preferences would be, when it comes to men for sex. That's funny, because I've had a fantastic relationship with a Japanese girl - which ended in 1992 - and two years later, I got married. But that part of my life - when both this girl and me were virgins when we first met and we lost our virginity to each other - seems like a distant dream now. I don't know if I have fully got over her, though it's been almost 13 years now... That's probably because it was she who decided to end the relationship at a time when we were even briefly engaged, and I had always imagined her to be my wife...

So, my mind seems to be complex. All I know is that I have these desires, but I also know that I don't have the courage to just go and pick up girls - that was true even when I was single. So let's see how things go...